2014-04-22 - Bong went the Gong
Dalton's was a cheap'ish style of bar. The type where when the jukeboxes didn't work and it was too early for whatever band they had conned into playing onstage all they had other than the heavily watered down and overpriced alcohol was the pirated cable. In this case,even that seemed to be on the fritz as one of the bartneders forlornly tried to get it to work without whapping the old, bulky tv on the side as it switched randomly between 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' and 'Cool World' while occasionally fritzing over into the Neverending Story Pt 4. Sitting over on a chair, violating the stringently enforced anti-smoking ordnances that the City had signed into law and put about as much priority into enforcing as they did Stop and Frisk and Lab Safety regulations, Howard puffed over on his stogie, "That guyis a menace. I mean, who the #$#! is he to tell me that I can't drive on the sidewalk!" The raven-haired beauty, also known as Jessica Drew, also known as Spider-Woman, and Agent Drew sits at the bar with a Jamesons on the rocks and her pen *tick tick ticking* away on a file in front of herself. Her attire is unlike herself, sans suit it would seem Jessica favors yoga pants, tank-top, and a sports jacket, the chilly weather obviously isn't bothering her too much. The man-duck-thing smoking in the bar does little to stop her from jotting down her notes. Though what he says entices a small chuckle and a shake of her head. "Yeah. They tend to frown on that, er... sir? You know "Hey! I'm walking here!" She grins over her shoulder before going back to her file. Howard The Duck glances over at Jessica, "Sure, I'll respect street regulations when they respect ones on jaywalking and right of way. A red light on the crosswalk does not, in fact, mean you are supposed to run in and out of cars passing as fast as you can. Or when bicycle messengers don't treat opposite way traffic like a gam eof chicken. Either of those'll work." HE sort of had a point. Jessica snorts. "Fair enough," she says in a smooth English accent. "However, if it were me you smacked on the sidewalk I wouldn't be too pleased." Jessica shrugs. "Just saying..." she flips closed the file and stuffs a few random photographs between its folds. Howard The Duck shrugs, "Eh, with your set of cushions I think you wouldn't hav ean issue with havin' built in shock absorbers. And what is it with you hairless ape women and showing off yer plumage?" "Cheeky," Jessica says with a chuckle. "Who would've known a man-duck could be so... cheeky. Besides, have you heard of the term, 'flaunt it if you've got it,' at least I know I do." She pulls on her jacket as if to fight off a sudden chill. "Also, these babies, they have nothing to do with making sure I won't be injured. Nor do they have anything to do with you not getting injured as well. If you know what I mean." Howard The Duck just glares up at Jessica, "Oh, believe me, I'm plenty good when it come sto getting mouthy dames get injured." But not in the way he actually did them, mind. "And far as I'm concerned the only set of cheeks we're gonna be seein' in here is if the plumber that's been in the men's room the last four hours remembers to pull up his pants or not." "Feisty are we? It's almost adorable," Jessica smirks. "Almost." She eyes the bathroom doors and snorts. "Right. I have no need or want to see any sort of cheeks this day, or any day for that matter. I've got enough things going on to deal with the likes of you," she sighs, tucking the file under her arm. Howard The Duck shrugs, "And yet yer here. This isn't the type of place ya come to drink away yer troubles or ta mee tup wtih someone ta make 'em go away. This is the type of place ya come when.." You want to bitch, most likely. "Memories, duck. That's why I'm here. Or don't you understand that?" Jessica waves her hand as if to dismiss her question all together. "I often come here to drink away my sorrows. No one usually bothers me." Howard The Duck shrugs, "Well, then if yer here yer not gonna get the type of booze tha tgives enough brain damage ta ferget. They water it down too much. And you considered somethin' cheaper if lookin' ta get loaded enough ta not have ta deal with things? I've seen what this place calls whiskey, and believe me it ain't got anythin' in common wtih it." "I'm a favored customer," Jessica laughs and eyes the bartender. "Albeit watered, I don't need to get blitzed. I just need to get away. What better place than this to get away? If I wanted to, I could just stay home to get beyond obliterated. I might as well have a stock in Dublin." Jessica grins and downs the rest of her glass, crunching on a chunk of ice. "Why are you here then?" Howard The Duck jerks his thumb, "Because my taxi's in the shop 'an I don't have anythin' else ta do. And I get good rates here 'cuz I remember the bartender was an extra in a Uwe Boll movie 'an he gives me reasonable rates in return fer not passin' that bit aroun' ta all the clientelle." "Looks like you've broke that bit of barter, Duck." Jess chuckles lightly. "See, we all have our reasons. Daltons isn't all that bad, really," she concedes. "I probably won't stick around too long, trouble seems to follow me wherever I go. Very unlucky." Howard The Duck grunts, "Yeah, yeah. You say that like it has any sort of meanin'. Tha'ts just the way the locals find ta blame everyone else fer their issues but themselves. They find other things ta blame on themselves. This city has about as much reason as any other, it just prefers ta mind it's own business while bein' pretentious." "Ha! If only you knew, duck, if only you knew." Jessica shakes her head and stands up, sliding a few bills to the bartender. "Buy this good duck here a few more drinks on me. See that he doesn't choke on it or something. You know, because I'm unlucky." Jessica salutes the duck and turns to gather her things off the bar. As the two belittled and baited one naother, all they would perhpas not notice in the background the rhythmic grunts coming over from the men's room would have suddenly stopped, and there was a sense of stillness over within the room and a raising chill. "AT LAST! I have you alone my fowlish friend! And now you shall know the full wrath of BONG! Eliminate the duck and pluck him my Antidae Assassins!" At this point the room was suddenly filled with pint size.. Ducks wearing black bodysuits and hoodies with a variety of oriental themed weapons, blunted and bladed. Howard leapt off his stool, "BONG! Can't ya leave me ta enjoy my misery over in peace! What's a Duck gotta do ta take a drink wtihout your hairless apes tryin' ta mess it up!" "Bloody Hell! Ninjas, /always/ ninjas. Could bad guys BE anymore cliche." Jessica shouts as she kicks at a few ninja-looking ducks that decided to crap on her shoes. "Damn it, I just bought these. Well," she says as she looks around sparing a glance at Howard, "/now/ do you believe me?!" What the Hell is going on with these ninja-wannabe ducks? Howard The Duck jerks his thumb over at Jess, "Hey, yer just collateral damage! They're after /me/ not you. So get yer plumage in a row and run like a condor chickadee!" Doing a backflip off the barseat he had been on as it was cleaved in two, Howard went to grab one honking duck and tossed it over behind the bar. "And keep any Elmer Fudd cracks ta yerself!" "From ducks? Are you nuts? I will not be said to have ran away from ninja... ninja ducks? Whatever the Hell they are." Jessica kicks a few more and steps on a few other. One nicks her with their tiny samurai sword and Jessica laughs. "I've been cut deeper shaving my leg," she says, lifting the offending duck off the ground and dashing it on the wall across the room. Of course, this was right over as one of the ninja ducks went to grab one naother to toss them over at Jessica like a bolo, trying to bowl her over with surprising strength! Howard went to duck over to the side, "I can't have a weekend go by without this nut or somethin' worse tryin' ta cook me up! What you got in comparison ta that?" "Daily, my dear. Oof!" Jessica says as she's knocked over by the surprising strength of the little buggers. She squirms around a little and pushes the little things off of her. "Strong little shites," she says with a grunt, "time to put good use to those kickboxing classes, eh?" One takes a whack at her leg with a blunted blade and Jessica grabs her ankle, hopping around a bit. "Ouch! Ugh. I've had about enough of these things," she says fighting one of the stronger off. IT was pure Daffy. She was at the center of her own personal quack attack as she kicked and flicked, sending feathers flying as she had a plow at the rather agitated and unpleasant waterfowl! Howard grunted, "Yeah, believe me. Bong makes 'em like girl bands. Loud, yappy, and.." Howard was sent tumbling over by a knick in his tailfeathers and went slamming into the wall with a SQUAK! "I see that. They'd almost be cute if they weren't so annoying. Awwww... look at the duckling, such a cute little... ah!" Jessica jumps back as the thing flicks out two samurai blades. "Not cute. Not. Cute. Eeeeep!" She squeals as if she had seen a mouse, closes her eyes and kicks at it as hard as she can. "You alright over there, duck?!" Hitting the wall and going into a roll, Howard grunted as a pair of micro-shuriken stuck out of the wall like a child having a tantrum with Legos, "Looks like Bong's buildin' em better these days. Guess he wasn't happy how the last group got mauled by the Lollipop Guild thinkin' they were infringin' on thier picketin' turf." Unions were evil. Jessica ducks as a pair of throwing stars fly by her head. "I'll say!" she says, "I've met all sorts of baddies, but never ninja-ducks with throwing stars. Hi-yah!" She says as she judo chops a duck that jumped onto the bar behind her. "Hey. HEY! Get away from that," she says swatting a few off the bar and off her folder. "Ugh. They got duck doo doo on my file. I /really/ hate these things." Howard The Duck had managed to whip up a set of brass knuckles from over the other side of the brawl, "He should be sendin' in a group of reinforcements any.." Yup, there came a group of pigs that were dressed over in hillbilly outfits, "Yup, the porkers are here." Andthey had a set of shotguns to boot. "You have /got/ to be kidding me," Jessica shouts as the hillbilly-pigs come rushing in. She eyes one with a banjo in one hand and a shotgun in the other and sighs. "Times like these I wish I could call in my own reinforcements." She's not in costume so she's got to rely on her strength and speed alone. She picks up a few ducks by their necks as the wriggle and kick and tosses them in the nearest piggy's face, stealing the shotgun from him before knocking it out with a heavy punch to the... chin? "Who want's bacon?" It wasn't every day you got to blow off bacon chunks. Howard went to charge in towards one of the porkers, "This little piggy went to market." Smashing his fist over inot another one, "This little piggy had roast beef." Elbowing another, "THis little piggy styaed home." And then smashing through a fourth, "This little piggy had none." The rhyme didn't quite go that way. But Jessica was likely caught up in getting to tell people later that she really did get to face a bunch of men who were pigs. This little piggy went... WEEEEEE," she says as she picks up the knocked out piggy and threw it right through the front door, "all the way home. And should right well stay there if it knows what's good for him!" She takes the butt of the gun and smashes another in theface, knocking out a few of his piggy teeth. "Call the dentist, Duck, this one just had face reconstruction surgery!" Jessica laughs. "You should really get that looked at she says to the pig squealing on the floor and whacks him again for good measure. "Please tell mehe doesn't have re-reinforcements." Howard The Duck dives over to the side right over as something new smashed through the front door. You'd heard of the bull in a China shop? This was a bull in a chinese outfit. And wearing sunglasses. And with a huge morningstar. The combination of motifs over would likely make Jessica gape. "Okay. We need to get that big guy outside. I don't want to be responsible for the complete destruction of Dalton's bar. You know. Right now it's one Hell of a cleanup, this is just a massacre." Jessica waves eyes Howard. "Any plan, Duck?" Howard The Duck glances over, "We'll need something big, round, and attnetion getting ta distract him 'an lure him outside. Preferably two. Big, squishy, and flashy." Before Jessica could likely squawk indignantly, "Cover me, I'm goin' fer the plumber." Jessica looks as if she's about to say something smart, but laughs hysterically instead. "Right. I've got you. Hey you," she says to the bull. "Yeah you, big dumb and ugly! I'm talking to you. Your master couldn't send anything better than second rate animals to do hisdirty work?" She eyes Howard and gives him a nod. The bull let out a loud roar and squeal, stomping a hoof over on the ground before swinging the morningstar over at Jessica, who would likely easily dodge then. Assuming she wasn't laughing too hard. CR#!$#! went the bull as Howard came out, hauling the otherwise incapacitated plumber, who had a hefty set of.. Cheeks, and was in need of a belt as Howard went to toss him out by the door, and the bull went to smash his way out, barely avoiding trampling the plumer. Did anyone get his number? Jessica slumps against the bar, bashing on the top to the, no doubt, cowering bartender. "Give me a whisky, straight. Now. I've gained quite the thirst." The man trembles and slides a glass full of whisky onto the top of the bar from his hiding place under the shelf. "Good help is hard to come by these days," Jessica grins. As the duo went on out, Jessica likely cheerfully tipsy with her whiskey in tow, they would come across the Bad News Bears. Well, a trio of giant bears that looked to be almost Beagle Boys flanked by a group of smaller sheep, "We're Bahhing Done!" WHYYY Jessica looks at the bears and just laughs. "Do you think they have a big bouncy ball to balance on? Maybe one of those little shriners hats?" Jessica walks up to the middle bear and slaps it on the nose. "No! Bad. BAD Bear!" She eyes the sheep and chuckles heartily. "Look, these guys are going to kill me with warmth, wrap me in a fleecy blanket. I bet that's their super power." She's not tipsy, but she is having a blast. Oddly enough. Her file rolled up in her hand, looking as if she's going to whack a second bear if he gets snippy. The bear takes a swing at Jessica, claws meeting likely nothing but air or perhpas at most a clump of hiar. But surprisingly strong then, the beast clearly having had some enhancements as it slashes through and missed her by somewhat less than a mile! Then, there was a flash of light, and a throbbing RING. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! Stop making a mockery of my maraudering mutant minions Madame! This is between myself and the duck!" Howard, following out went to throw a sheep as he dodged on eof them wielding a cleaver and another taking a swing with a chainsaw, "BONG! Ain't you gettin' donkier than usual? Hit yerself on the head a few too many times?" Jessica scoffs at the bear as she hops back, catching the merest of scratches, no worse than a cat. " How rude! Obviously you missed the training part of physical training," Jessica giggles. The ring catches Jessica's attention, super hearing has its faults. "Well. When you use mutant animals to do your dirty work," she says to the voice, "you open yourself to the general mockery of all. And the moment you brought your fight into a public place it became my problem you linguistically challenged, poor excuse for a villain. I've heard better taunts from an infant you dolt." Bong harrumphed, then went to bring up his bong to dong his gong, an echoing RING shooting through the air, a powerful sonic pulse then that if she wasn't on her guard oer on it due to the nonsense over of this particular combination of shenanigans might hit Jessica over with the mind controlling range that it was designed to toll! "My dear, frankly I don't give a damn about you. Don't let this malfeasant mallard paw at you too!" Howard harrumphed, "What's it with you and that stupid bell. I mean, Doctor Doom already have everything else for metal masks on the market?" Jessica covers her ears. "Ugh! Will you cut it out?! This poor excuse for a Duck has done no such thing. I started my daily taunts with him, my dear," she says mockingly back chuckling at Howard's Doom reference. "Good one, Duck. Gotta hand it to you, that was a good zinger." The next Bong of the Ill Witted Doctor's Gong would send out a shockwave that would scatter all, hitting a powerful pulse that was intent on making the duo convulse! Jessica is taken off her feet and tossed against the building they just came out of, convulsing a little with the vibrations. When she finally comes to and stops convulsing she sits up rubbing her head. "I've had about enough of this." Jessica gets to her feet and shakes off the dust. She stares down Bong and frowns. "I would love nothing more to kick your uppity ass," she takes a deep breath and steps closer to the man, loosing pheromones. "Tell me how you feel now, bell-head?" The bear is looking over at Jessica -very- weirdly now. She probably doesn't want to know at this point. Bong takes a moment, contemplating, then going to strike his mind control gong once more! "yes! You shall be my Queen! I shall give you everything. You shall be my dark bride! Sing to me, my Mistress of Beauty!" Bong quickly amends, whether you were under the control of his sonic gong or not, "You shall be my Queen, my Equal! Just get the duck and roast him!" Right in time for Howard to punch one of the sheep, "Don't make me take you to the shearer!" Evading another swing from one of the Big Bad Bears. Jessica sighs and shakes her head. "Duck! Whatever you did to piss this guy off is pissing me off," she says not taking her eyes off of Bong. "Oh. Honey. I am no man's equal. I am far better than you'll ever be," Jessica smirks. "What I would give to be able to use my venom right now, this bell-dumbass would be toast right now," she mumbles quietly to herself. Bong was star-struck. Now he just had to prove his love by plucking the duck! "Hey, you say that like moron with a metal mullet is my fault!" Bong had to duck as Howard threw one of the sheep past him overhead. "Isn't he?" She asks. "He looks like he might be your fault," Jessica raises a brow. "Why /are/ you here, Bong?" She asks narrowing her eyes at the... phallic looking individual. "How'd you get that nifty hat?" she grins. Bong puffs up, "I made it myself! It is the result of my ingenius crafting! When we have together defeated the duck I shall make you one just as glorious,f ro my bell tolls only for thee!" A howl could be heard from the bear as HOward punched it somewhere where no mananimal should be hit. "Why kill the duck now? We should let him go so we can chase him down again. Make a sport of it, even." Jessica grins, casting Howard a glance. "I bet he'd hate that far more than just dying now. Don't you think? Oh? I get one too? How sweet." Fortunately Bong was a bit under Jessica's sway to otherwise notice the sarcasm that was likely dripping off her tongue, and Howard glared, "Playing it a bit thick ain't we?" The duck muttered. Bong paused, and then nodded, "OF course my Dark Queen! Let me take us somewhere more sporting!" Going to hit his bell.. And there was a bright flash of light.. And the trio would appear over in a combination princess casttle ballroom and evil science lab. "Saving your tailfeathers aren't I? You owe me, Duck." Jessica Howard glared at Jessica, "This was all your idea hairless ape! You just had to show off all the plumage." "Yeah, yeah. Sure, Duck. Sure." Jessica's eyes go wide at Bong's proclamation. Then the flash. Too late to stop him, now she's got to talk herself out of this mess. "Oh. Darling, such a... beautiful place?" Jessica pouts a little and sighs forlornly. The teelportation has brought the tewo over to the center of the throneroom, where they're surrounded over by dozens of brawny looking animals, and a duck in a french maid outfit. "We shall be married at once, and have the duck for dinner! You shall have the honor of carving him my Queen!" "But... but... I haven't even told my mother. I didn't get to say farewell to my friends. That was bad form, if I do say so myself. I must go back at once, I have to say goodbye. As for the duck, I'd rather eat a nice quail. Duck is too greasy for my taste." Jessica frowns, looking completely sad. Howard was ballign his fists up while Bong looked somewhat incredulous, "But.. Why? Why would they not wish tos ee the glory of.." Lulu, the duck in the french maid outfit, coughed, "Uhm, Moi Cherie, Ze Vuman As Yew Under Ze Influence.." "What are you talking about," she eyes the maid-duck. "I don't like this one, my lord. Make her go away," she sniffs. "Oh, no. It's not like I don't want to see the glory. I just think there are more formidable foes. And I also owe my allies a proper farewell." She eyes the maid-duck with eyes that might as well be daggers. Unfortunately, his helmet provides him a -level- of protection then, and thanks to the warning over from the French Maid, Bong is at elast temporarily broken of the spell! "Charlatan! How could you give me such false hopes! My Manimal Minions, Dispose of the Duo!" Jessica and Howar would be quickly surrounded as HOward glared at her. "Whatever do you speak of, my heart!" Jessica turns on the water works, dropping to her knees. "I think she's just jealous," Jessica points to the maid, pushing more pheromones, though certainly not the max. She doesn't need her only ticket out of there being attacked by everything else around her. She remains aware of what's going on as the press moves closer. It was a short time later as the duo were teleported over inside a somewhat otherwise cramped arena part of the castle, and the chanting crowd of Manimals was up in the stands! "Given that my no longer beloved wished for a hunt and a spectacle she shall have it! You shall face my deadly.." "PUNK SHARKS!" A group of a trio of powerful looking humanoid sharks leapt over the duo, landing at the other end of the arena, wearing punk outfits and having fin-mohawks. "I'm soooooo over this, Duck. What now?" Jessica steps back, sizing up the competition. "Sharks that are... Punks? Wonder if they have jewelry... hmm... never mind." Jessica sighs, waiting for the sharks to make their first move. The PUnk Sharks go first for a flying leap, one of them going to try and do a gnash attack over at Jessica as another went to smash through the ground over at Howard! "You think we've dealt with enough leaping sharks today without havin' em go all the way over us?" Howard dodged! Jessica dodges as well. "You aren't kidding. Well, I think you may just be as unlucky as I am, Duck." Jessica sniffs, she watched a ton of animal planet with Beast. Shark Week. "Punch them in the nose, Duck. They don't like that much." Jessica rushes over and does justthat, punches the damnable thing in the nose as hard as she can, and that's pretty hard. The shark goes flying from Jessica's all out punch, hitting the ground and having had some smashed teeth in, "Ow! Bite the Bint for me Bros!" Howard was going to run around in circles as another of the sharks went to chase him, Howard managing a good speed despite his otherwise pint size and engorged gullet! "Is that your strategy, Duck? Run around aimlessly." Jessica stands her ground, "Come on, Jess. You've fought worse with less," she sighs, taking a deep breath. At the last moment, Howard went to leap up and through the air, backflipping and landing on the fin-mohawk of the bandanna wearing shark and yanking the headfin to smash it into the wall! "You got a better idea I'd like to hear it! Ya don't get rescued from nonsense like this with yer reputation intact!" He had a point. she would never hear the end of it if Clint showed up. One of the sharks wnet to charge at her, a spiked brass knuckle on it's fist as it took a swing at her! Jessica flips backwards with extraordinary grace, lands on her back and hops back up to give the shark a one two punch. "No, Duck. You don't. And I don't have much of a reputation anyway. But I'm doing better than you!" Jessica thumbs her nose at Howard. Howard leaps off the shark, yelping as he left some of his tailfeathers behind, "So what's yer story? You some sorta spider mutated into a human?" Jessica's punch sent the Punk Shark flying through the iar. "No story you need to hear. Mutated from a spider? Who does that?" Jessica looks up at the bell-headed idiot. "Never mind. I know who would do that. My story is nothing special. Just broke up with my boyfriend last night. That's about as interesting as that gets." Jessica kicks the feet... fin? off from under the next shark that comes calling, taking him by the fin and tossing him into the stands. The final Punk Shark went flying and down for the count, and Howard cackled, "So feel like some fin soup?" He went on, "And sorry about yer boytoy." Howard went to charge towards the wall the shark had bounced off a few moments ago, yoinking it away to reveal a hole inthe wall. "COme on, le'ts get outta here before our goose is cooked!" "You've got it, Duck. You're puns never cease to amuse me." Jessica runs full speed and dives into the hole in the wall. "I'll be happy to be back home." The two were running amuck through the castle halls, monster manimals in tow, "You know how to run a teleportation machine? Because I don't." Howard grunting. "I bet I could figure it out. Is it like a plane? Helicopter? Computer maybe? Bah. Let me get to it and we'll see." Jessica sighs, tossing animals that catch up to her and jump on her back. "Was that a monkey? Never mind, I don't want to know. Once I get out of this little palace of horrors I'll be happy." Howard The Duck looks behind him, "Nah, pretty sure it's a gibbon. You can tell by how the hair on the crest is. Monkey has a longer tail." The two were racing and he went to hop up on her back! Jessica makes a 'yuck' face. "Eww... I really didn't want to know. Nasty. This guy is a freak. How much further, Duck?" Howard The Duck uhms, "I'm not sure. Do I look like I remembered which way the main control room was givne he teleported us?" Rassum-Frzzum! "Well. I figured you'd be good for something!" Jessica sighs and mumbles. "Must I do /everything!/" Jessica grabs the Duck and takes a sharp right turn then a left then another right and a left, releasing him once she takes the last turn. "There I think we lost a few of them. Now lets get the Hell out of here!" Whether by Jessica's unnerring sense of sarcasm or the desperation of narration, the duo had arrived right over in the main control room! Holy Plot Contrivances! Howard ran over and went to slam the doors shut< "Gimmie a moment. I wanna make sure he doesn't try and.." Fiddling voer with the broadcast system, Howard had it donig country-western. Jessica leans against the door once it is closed, useing all her strength to keep it closed. "A moment you've got, Duck. Now... hop to it!" "Criminals, they never get any smarter, do they?" Jessica says, pushing a bunch of heavy things up against the door. "Well. Let's blow this popsicle stand, Duck." There was a flash of light as the ducknamic duo ended up back over in the outer chaos of Dalton's bar. Howard The Duck grumbles, "And it's Howard." IT would likely click. Jessica dusts herself off, reaches down and picks up her duck-poo speckled case file where she dropped it. "Nah. It's Duck," Jessica says with a grin. "Now. I'm getting the Hell out of here before that freak comes back." Jessica tosses Howard a salute and a wink and makes way down the street, grumbling to herself about ducks, ninjas, pigs, and punk sharks. Howard The Duck grumbled and shook his fist over at Jessica, before heading out in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, back at the castle, Doctor Bong held up a thread of dark hair, "With this, I shall make my ULTIMATE BEING!" Cue the Bong a Dong Laughter. Fade.